The Stink Bomb
With 15 years of Trigger work under my belt, I still feel charged when my wounds are torn open. And of course, this unwanted experience is a result of my ‘story’ of the words or behaviors I’ve just witnessed.
Happy to share, the return on investment of this particular teaching and practice is an almost immediate trust that life is on my side. In the past I would wallow in my unworkable stories for days which lead to deep sadness, despair, depression and anxiety. Sound familiar?
All is as it needs to be in THIS moment. Nothing I can do but reflect, not criticize; point the finger at me with compassion; remember that it is my result, not about him/her; Allow. Allow. Allow. Observe everything. Grasp onto nothing. I am not in control of the outcome but for sure I am with the stories I make up and furthermore, believe.
And I am not obligated to believe my stories. Do you, by default, believe your stories?
The month of March is dedicated to those stink bombs that create distance between you and your self and loved ones. But what is the connection between triggers and life transitions, you ask?
Well, life transitions are often a recipe of frustration, overwhelm, attachment/cravings, resistance/aversions, stress, uncertainty, anxiety and depression. During this phase, life’s desire is for us to look closely at our patterns and habits to decide what makes sense to keep and release. An effective first question to ask is, “What’s workable now?”
When our bandwidth is short and our skin thin, we can easily become activated. For example, when going through a divorce or moving across the country, we are more apt to lose our cool.
Notably, our triggers aren’t always sourced by a ‘negative’ experience or thought. A trigger is like a switch or button. For example, right now we are in the midst of a country-wide life transition. The election. One candidate is spewing ‘negativity’ which activates the thrill of drama. This is a ‘positive’ trigger for some, ‘negative’ for others. Respectively, one candidate is associated with speaking from his heart. We can frame him as hitting ‘positive’ triggers which activate hope and possibility.
Okay so how do we manage our triggers and why is it important to?
First, our culture suggests that the trigger is coming from ‘it’ out there. When our buttons are pushed, it is usually related to a criticism we have of ourselves that is now brought to the surface. We make it seem real based on our context. In this we are giving our power away, becoming unfastened. For example, this victim position can have the illusion of being right or taking ourselves out of the game (relationship/job.)
Second, in the wild storm of furry, we are not present, which creates distance between our self (heart center) and loved ones. Furthermore, our energy, confidence and productivity are depleted.
If that sounds like a joyful life, then read no further!
There are two considerations to ponder when it comes to position release (managing the heat.) I tend to practice and teach #1. My colleague and dear friend, Noel Murphy creates more value with #2. (See more teachings and our personal account on pages 87-92 in my book Me With Me.)
1. Put myself in situation where my triggers are consistently being pushed. Hint: primary romantic relationship or family members. Gracefully be with the trigger by assigning it a funny name that invokes laughter. It will eventually diminish and/or dissolve. (Check out my FREE download on home page, Three Keys to More Ease and Joy in Difficult Life Transitions.)
2. When I am very clear on the big game I’m playing; my contribution to life is bigger than the trigger itself. Thus, I am far more likely to get off of it, not by avoiding, but by comparing it to what I am most attracted to. For example, having the mindset, “I can’t be bothered with the BS. I’m too excited about creating!”
I hope you’ve enjoyed this illustration from where triggers arise, how they create distance between us, and how they eventually subside and lead to harmony. If you’d like to step on the path of freedom regarding triggers, reducing resistance, overwhelm, stress and anxiety, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me here: www.visibletransitions.com